If your faced with adoption…
May 27, 2009 by Kristy
When the word Adoption is mentioned it can be a touchy subject. Especially when you are a mother who has made that decision. In my other post I have told you all about my son being born prematurely and my separation/divorce. When me and my ex-husband separated I met this guy about 6 months after I knew that I couldn’t ever trust my ex-husband again. I guess I was very gullible at the time and the guy I met could see that as well. But I thought he was a really good guy at first. As time went by I began to see he was anything else but. Not to mention I started learning he had a criminal record. While I was with him and before I learned about his past he already had it planned in his mind that he was planning to get me pregnant. I know some of you have been in relationships and you think that one day they will change or there is something you can do to change them. It’s the other way around. They have to want to change their selves. I can remember the day when I had this deep gut feeling that I was pregnant. So I told him and he got me a pregnancy test. Sure enough the test showed positive and right then and there I kept say over and over Oh God, What am I going to do? Some of you are probably wondering why I wasn’t using protection with this guy. Well when I got pregnant with Austin it was definitely a surprise because the doctor’s had told me I was unable to get pregnant so when I got pregnant with him my ex husband, We were very shocked but very happy. So when I got pregnant with ” my little girl ” and so quickly I couldn’t believe it. I knew I was going to have her regardless but how was I going to raise her with a child with cerebral palsy and still living at my parent’s home needing help already with my son and I knew this guy wasn’t father material with all the problem’s he had.
Shortly after I found out I was pregnant the mental abuse began to get worse and he began physically abuse started . Things began to get better when he went to serve his time in jail then he went to prison. He was away for most of my pregnancy, so I had some time to be able to think and think on my own. It wasn’t until I was about 3 or 4 into my pregnancy until I started thinking that adoption was what I was supposed to do. Trust me, it was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make. I prayed to God and I asked him for His help. I prayed to him and said if this is what I was supposed to do for him to show me signs and guide me to the right family and most of all to give me strength, that I couldn’t do this alone. It was selfish reasons to keep her because I didn’t want to let her go but so many unselfish reasons for me to give her to a loving family that was unable to have a child. So during my pregnancy as time went by I began to feel that adoption was the answer and I also had found a loving family that had been praying for a child for several years because they had tried so many procedures with infertility specialist and was unsuccessful. Even though it was hard to do, one thing that helped me with my decision was knowing that I would be able to stay in contact with her and they send me pictures of her growing up as I’m unable to see her in person as often as I would like to because She lives several states away. So it’s hard on both sides but I don’t regret the decision I made and one day when she is old enough to understand she will know that I am here biological mother and why I made my decision. I know in my heart she will thank me because the family I chose has given and done more for her than I could have ever dreamed of making possible for her. So if you read this and adoption is a decision you’re thinking about I would love to her from you. But when adoption or abortion is a choice a woman has to make, it’s a very touchy subject. But for me at least I know with adoption that innocent child still has a chance at life.
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